To Obtain the Smexy Shikamaru
by FaeSoDivine
Summary: Temari attempts to ditch her brothers for a day of Shikamaru loving. To do so, she must suffer from sibling rivalry and ice cream. And in return, Kankurou must suffer pain while Gaara suffers women's undergarments. shikaxtema oneshot


**Let it be known that I am madly in love with the Sand Siblings. **

**Rated T for language, sibling abuse, romance novels, ice cream indulgence, and hinting of cross-dressing. (oohm, who shall be tortured….?) hehe.**

**This is dedicated to Graham Cracker, my beloved spelling/grammar checker.

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Normally on a sunny morning, the Sand Siblings would be found in Suna, in their mansion, getting ready for a day of intense training/A- ranked missions/Kazekage paperwork. (Of course, the latter applied to Gaara.) However, they had somehow found themselves in Konoha in their embassy house with a day off before an important meeting with allied nations. Temari had woken up at dawn, feeling it was in her best interest as the oldest sibling to prepare food for her brothers.

"Good morning, Temari." Gaara's dry voice called out to her as he spotted her walking into the kitchen. He was perched on a table, legs crossed; a rather thick book was in his hands. Obviously since he couldn't sleep, he had to find some way of entertaining himself for hours on end. Recently he had taken up reading novels, wiping out entire genres at a time. This week was his 'romance novel week'.

Temari's normal harsh glance softened for her youngest brother. She had a soft spot for him; it was obvious. She wasn't afraid of him as she had been growing up. Now, she understood Gaara. The family was growing closer day by day. "Morning, Gaara," she said preparing everything she needed for breakfast.

Kankurou appeared at the table in fifteen minutes as Temari was finishing cooking. He was applying the last bit of his "manly face-paint" as he called it, yawning deeply as he did so. He put away his paint and rather listlessly looked at Gaara who was sitting directly in front of him. His eyes happened to travel down to the book cover that sported the words "Mitushi and Yusuke: Love's First Glance." Painted eyebrows shot upwards as Kankurou looked at his younger brother in shock. "Gaara!" he yelled suddenly, Gaara and Temari unwillingly jumping in surprise at his loud voice.

"Don't do that again!" Temari chucked a spatula at Kankurou's head. The latter caught it deftly, standing up and staring at his brother eye-to-eye. Gaara was looking at him with an amused expression as his brother practically foamed at the mouth.

"You are a man!" Kankurou announced. Temari was trying to contain her amusement as she kept her back to her brothers, a smirk forming on her face.

"How did you know?" Sarcasm was simply dripping out of Gaara's mouth. That caused Temari to let out a laugh.

Kankurou ignored it. "You are a proud man who does _not _read sissy romance crap!"

"It is not 'sissy' ; it is a widely-known, heart throbbing, page-turning spectacular story of young loves facing the challenges of being ninja while simultaneously working out their unanimous feelings towards one another," Gaara said calmly, slipping his finger over the cover of the book and shutting the pages together in one movement. Ignoring his brother's aghast face and Temari's full-blown laughing, he stood up and jumped off the table. He seated himself on a chair. "And _I_ enjoy it immensely. Now, sit down so Temari can prepare the table."

Kankurou simply stared in horror at his younger brother, sitting back in his chair as Temari placed a plate full of food in front of Kankurou. "I believe you have just been 'burned'." A smirk was on her face as she placed Gaara's plate in front of him. Her eye caught his and she gave him a genuine smile.

Kankurou seemed to jump out of his daze as he sighted his food. Albeit disgruntled, he would not be distracted from his food. He practically inhaled his plate in a manner of seconds. However, he slammed his plate down quickly after having consumed the entirety of the plate. "You poisoned the food!"

Temari gave him a cold look as she turned away from the stove. Anger presented itself on her face. "Maybe you should make the food if you're going to complain all the time." Kankurou actually cringed in horror at the thought. It would ruin his reputation if were caught with a frying pan. In fact, he would rather be caught dead than with any cooking utensils at all.

"I think it tastes good," Gaara said, not looking up from his food. He did indeed like the breakfast his sister had prepared, although every now and then he found a crunchy eggshell that probably didn't belong.

"Gaara, stop sucking up to her!" Kankurou pounded on the table heavily with his fist. "You know it tastes poisoned! Be a man and tell her what you think of her poor excuse for food!"

Gaara shrugged -almost apologetically, although he shoveled the last forkful of food in his mouth. If he had eyebrows, they would have been raised in amusement. "Can I have more eggs, Temari?"

"What do you mean 'poor excuse for food? '" Temari completely ignored her youngest brother's question, leering towards Kankurou. Her hand still rested on the frying pan on the stove. She knew that someone was most likely going to be murdered in the next few minutes, and it just so happened it was going to be her _adorable _make-up wearing, doll-wielding brother.

"You need to learn how to cook," Kankurou said evenly, staring back at his sister with equal menace. His statement confirmed Temari's death hypothesis.

"You bastard…" She growled and picked the frying pan up.

In one fluid motion, Kankurou jumped up from his seat and found himself backed up against a wall. Temari and frying pans did much danger together. In fact, the last time Temari was viciously wielding a frying pan, the family mansion needed serious renovations and Kankurou was in a coma for a week. Truthfully, he did not want a repeat of that incident. "What the fu- Temari! Put down the frying pan!" He cowered in the corner, looking around for an escape route. The only way out of the kitchen was behind Temari, and he would have to scale the table to get past her at all.

"Not until you apologize," Temari said, waving the frying pan around threateningly. Bits of egg flew out of the pan as she stalked towards her brother.

"AAAAH! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!" He screamed shrilly and took the only available escape route, scattering dishes and food all over the floor as he did so. In one innocent move, Gaara grabbed his brother's foot. Kankurou immediately fell straight down onto the floor. He groaned pathetically as milk dripped onto his head from an overturned cup on the table above.

Temari turned around swiftly, raising the frying pan high. Now that her prey was in front of her, she would make him pay.

_**WHAM.**_

A pause, and then Gaara spoke. "I think you killed him, Temari."

Temari smirked. "I should have. But then he wouldn't be here to keep you in line when I leave." She was, in fact, going to take advantage of her day off. She had plans and they did not include hanging around with her brothers. In fact, she was due over at Shikamaru's place in an hour where they would most likely spend the day without clothing.

"Leaving?" Gaara's face suddenly turned towards hers. His eyes gave off no emotion as he gave her a dead-beat stare.

"Oh, er, yes. I'm going--," she paused as a groan from Kankurou interrupted her. It gave her enough time to think of _where_ exactly she was going, because she didn't want her brothers to find out about her relationship with Shikamaru. She had thought about that a lot and reasoned that the most harm Gaara would do to Shikamaru was mutilating his body a little. "Shopping," she finished quickly, turning around and busying herself with putting the frying pan down and cleaning up.

Behind her, Kankurou finally heaved himself off the floor. She heard a _thunk _and a groan as he hit his head on the table. She smirked to herself, but soon became aware of Gaara's eyes on the back of her head. She turned swiftly, her dark eyes meeting Gaara's light ones.

"Kankurou and I shall be accompanying you." A staring match had ensued and Temari was sure that Gaara had figured out the truth of her relationship.

"Don't I have a say in this?" Kankurou and Temari said at the same time. Temari broke her gaze from Gaara to glare at Kankurou. 'Great', she thought, 'now I'll have to actually go shopping.' A small smirk began to make its presence known on her face. '…unless I accidentally ditch them.'

"No," Gaara answered both of them, rising up from his chair. "I expect both of you to meet me outside in five minutes exactly." With that said, he left the kitchen. The minute his back was out of her vision, Temari turned to Kankurou and glared.

"Next time it will hurt worse," she said with such coldness that her brother actually shivered.

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The siblings did indeed meet each other outside in five minutes exactly. After Kankurou received a rather horrible look from his sister, the latter commenced in leading her brothers to the village shopping district. She could easily lose them there, what with all of the bustling around. But really, all she needed was a distraction….

They had just stepped into an outdoor market when a loud voice penetrated their thoughts. "Hey! Gaara!" Naruto bounded over with a grin, followed closely by his girlfriend Hinata.

"Hello Gaara-san, Kankurou-san, Temari-san," Hinata said softly, hanging onto Naruto's arm as if shy of the Sand siblings' presences.

Gaara nodded in greeting to Naruto and Hinata. Kankurou rolled his eyes; that blonde-headed ninja was excessively hyperactive, as always. And Temari, well…she was jumping beside herself in joy. That was it! Her chance! Her brothers would be distracted by Hinata and Naruto and she could slip away unnoticed.

Everyone turned their heads to look at her. Gaara's eyes studied her the longest as she grinned sheepishly and stopped jumping. "Oh, hello Naruto and Hinata," she said casually flipping her bangs aside. "Nice day, isn't it?"  
That was what set Naruto talking a mile a minute. "Perfect day? BRILLIANT day! Hinata and I just went to Ichiraku and now we're going shopping! Dattebayo! We're going to go to this awesome new video store that-"

Kankurou interrupted him, eagerly taking over the conversation. "Oh! I heard about that one! Doesn't it have that new game-" The jubilant Naruto interrupted him again.

"Yeah! And the first hundred people there---!"

"Get to try it out! I'm so going…" Kankurou had turned to look at Gaara during that sentence, immediately reading the look on Gaara's face that suggested Kankurou was not going anywhere. Apparently that was payback for the romance novel incident earlier. "Or…not."

During that whole conversation, Temari had been backing up inch by inch until she was a considerably safe distance away. She ducked down beneath a table, grinning to herself. Now all she had to do was waiting until her brothers went off to look for her, and then she could make her way to Shikamaru's place.

At least, that was her plan, until a certain familiar pair of legs was standing before her. At once Gaara's perplexed face was peering down at her. "What…..are you doing?"

"Oh! Um!" Temari frantically began crawling around on her knees. "I dropped my, er, contacts!" She pretended to pick something up and crawled out from underneath the table. She stood up quickly, grinning in a way that actually scared her brothers and Hinata and Naruto.

A silence seemed to overpower Temari as she stood grinning like an idiot.

Kankurou broke the silence. "I didn't know you wore contacts."

The smile vanished from her face and she slugged him in the arm. "Of course I do," she said snootily, pretending to put a contact back in her eye.

Naruto blinked once before chiding, "Well, we're going to go now! See ya later!"

The Sand Siblings all chipped in for a brief, two-second wave. When Naruto and Hinata were a fair distance away, Temari turned around, her back to her siblings, and looked at the stores around her, as if considering where to go next. She had no idea how to get rid of her brothers, so she began walking as if she were going to a store. Gaara and Kankurou followed obediently, although Kankurou was pouting about not being able to go to the video game store.

"It's no fair." He began to whine, his painted face contorted as his lips pursed pathetically. "Why do I need to go shopping with that bitch? All she does is beat up on me and now you, Gaara, expect me to spend time with her! She's going to kill me, you know." A fist slamming into his stomach put his whining to rest. He doubled over, breathless as Temari stood before him with a raised fist and eyes that seemed to be on fire.

"Did you just call me 'that bitch'?" Her voice was painfully calm.

Kankurou winced, looking up. Gaara was looking on, amused; it looked like he could care less if his brother was beating to a bloody pulp by his sister. For some reason, seeing Gaara's little smirk pissed Kankurou off. He stood up, looking at Temari with square-shoulders. He was not going to take this, being picked on by his _sister, _of all people.

"I'm sorry, was 'bitch' not accurate enough for you?" He cocked his head to the side, a sly grin on his face.

"Oh, you're dead," Temari hissed. In one motion, she had him pinned to the ground on his stomach, and she was painfully pulling his arms backwards. "Now, tell your big sister that you love her!"

"NNNNGH!" It seemed as though Kankurou's face was planted to the dirt road.

Passer byes laughed aloud as Temari pulled on his arms just a little tighter. "What was that? You love me more than anything?"

Kankurou somehow managed to move his head a little so that his cheek pressed against the road. "Gfet the funck offm 'e, bitsch."  
"I thought I taught you better than to use those dirty words." Temari pulled his arms back further. "Now, what was that about you absolutely adoring me?"

In what seemed like the last of his strength, Kankurou pushed himself onto his knees, making Temari fall backwards. His sister still had a tight grip on his arms, so he kicked backwards, hitting her on the stomach. She let go as the breath knocked out of her. While she was distracted, Kankurou fled the scene, raising behind him a cloud of dust.

Temari was up immediately, ready to run after him and kill him. "You bastard! Get your fat ass back here!" Gaara, however, put his hand out in front of her.

"Just leave him alone, Temari. You two made enough of a scene."

Temari looked around, realizing that many people were standing around, mother's hands over their children's ears and teenagers holding on tight to each other for fear of the deranged Suna kunoichi attacking them. She chuckled nervously.

"Oh, well, let's get going then…."

A step later, Temari realized that she had only one more brother do deal with. A triumphant grin crossed her face before she also realized that it would be easier to trick a mountain than Gaara. Maybe…Maybe she would sugar him up first?

"Gaara! How nice, we get to spend the day together without Fat Ass-er, I mean, - Kankurou interrupting us. How about we go to an ice cream parlor?" The speech was so fast she didn't know if Gaara heard a word she said. However, looking at Gaara's eyes, she could see that the word 'ice-cream' sparked with him.

"Hn," he 'hned', and led the way to the ice cream shop. Yes! Now all she needed to do was get Gaara on one of his famous sugar rushes, and she could sneak away in no time. It was an easy plan, and, really, she didn't know why she hadn't thought of it to begin with. Gaara was a notorious sugar-addict, and while generally she tried to keep him away from sugar, she though that this was a perfect opportunity to be able to sneak away.

They ordered their ice cream (Temari insisting Gaara that he have more than two scoops; he ended up with four) and sat down at a small table outside. She had only a small cone in front of her. However, she didn't touch it and instead stared at her brother.

He stared back, not touching his ice cream at all. "Temari?"

"Ah, er, yes?"

"Is there any particular reason why I am not eating my ice cream?"

"Um..I don't know." She worriedly smiled, thinking he was up to her plans. "Did you not get the flavors you like?"

"No, Temari."

"Is there a bug in your ice cream?"

"No, Temari."

"Do you want more?"

"Ye- I mean, no Temari."

"Oh, well, I don't know why you aren't eating it then." A sweat drop was appearing on her face. Gaara was going to reveal his knowledge of the relationship between Temari and Shikamaru….she just knew it.

"It's because I'd rather eat it while we shop," he said at last, a strange grin of sorts appearing on her face. Temari let out her breath, satisfied that her brother had no suspicion.

"Sure," she said, standing up and walking outside with him. She noted with relief that he had begun to lick his ice cream cone. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before Gaara began to show the effects of his infamous sugar high. But until then, Gaara would be quite somber….still sticking by his word of accompanying Temari on her shopping trip. So, she would just have to find a way of quickening his leaving.

An idea began to form in her mind as she stared at the shops around her. She could recall a moment a few months back when Gaara had unintentionally walked in on Temari changing. Needless to say, he was scarred. And refused to do laundry ever again for fear of touching one of Temari's dreaded bras.

Those thoughts led Temari to a particularly shady store that hosted all manners of women's clothing. While Gaara was busy trying to lick the ice cream faster than it could melt, she dragged him into the store. He didn't look up at all. The good part about that, though, was that he was twitching a little as a result of an upcoming sugar-high. While she looked around at all the different selections, Gaara had consumed half of his ice cream cone and had yet to look up. She finally grabbed a particularly lacy and feathery clothing (or lack thereof) item and held it up to her body.

"Gaara, do you think this looks good on me?" she asked modestly. Gaara looked up slowly. A deep fear settled into his eyes as he looked at the item she held. He looked around, twitching his neck at such a speed Temari could hear it crick.

"Where…where am I?" He backed himself up against a clothing rack, only to jump back forward as he realized what was touching him.

"So, Gaara?" She pressed on, seemingly ignoring the panic in his eyes. The image of the article of clothing brought bad memories into Gaara's mind, especially with his sister holding it.

With his last bit of sanity gone, Gaara's sugar-induced body let out a howl not unlike the Shukaku's. He scampered around in circles as though gaining momentum before he jumped out of the display window, shattering glass and scantily clad mannequins to the ground. He disappeared from vision as he shook the debris off of him, screaming about Kami knows what.

It was a good few minutes before the rest of the store realized what had happened, and immediately commenced and running around, screaming. That is, until Temari grabbed the nearest clerk and ordered them to return to the cash register. She exited the shop in a manner of minutes, swinging a bag very gently as she made her way to Shikamaru's house.

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Shikamaru opened the door after a good ten minutes listening to Temari claim she was going to break it down if "he didn't get off his lazy ass and greet her like a proper man should". When he actually opened the door, he was met with a rather odd sight; that of Temari holding a rather skimpy looking outfit up.

"I got you a present; it matches your Chuunin vest so you can wear it underneath."

The door slammed in her face.

And then he found it in his face when Temari kicked it down.

"Shikamaru, _darling, _I was only kidding." She fumed angrily, stepping over the door (and over him) into his house. "Of course I'm going to wear it," she said as Shikamaru dragged himself out from underneath the door.

Of course, that was a lie. After the meager hour she spent with her brothers, she was ready for some mature company and would in fact force Shikamaru into the outfit before the day was over.

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**I, myself, am not happy because I think the style changed in some way…And maybe the ending was too abrupt? **

**shrugs.**

**At least I got down what was in my mind. **

**I really hope you enjoy and I'm sorry for not updating a few of my stories. I'm actually working on them, as well as some one-shots I have in mind. **

**The purple button bakes cupcakes and loves it when people poke him(/her/it).**


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